The Kids are crying because of Main Page is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by President Splat Travis Hohojiro with a fair hand, and renowned for its unlimited-speed roads, ubiquitous missile silos, and smutty television. The hard-working, democratic population of 1.215 billion cash money people hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of splatsville. The average income tax rate is 25.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient splatlandian economy, worth 160 trillion cashes a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Soda Sales. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 132,323 cashes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten, East Lebatuckese astronauts' favorite game during downtime on the Multinational Space Station is 'I Spy', you can't put down the nation's attitude to pet health, and the nation's interest in space is at an all-time high while interest in saving the planet is at an all-time low. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Main Page's national animal is the squid, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways, and its national religion is woomyism.

Main Page is ranked 118,365^th in the world and 213^th in The League for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 128.76 on the Clooney Contribution Index.